I Need a Breathalizer On My Phone...

...or perhaps they could invent an “unsend” function for text messaging.

I know what you’re thinking…what if they’ve already read it at like 4:30am when you sent it?

Dude. you sent it at 4:30am

…if they woke up the next morning and it was magically “unsent” perhaps they’d think they read it in a dream? yes. someone get started on that texting function.

please and thank you.

Why are we so compelled to invite everybody in the address book to come out for a drink because we’re having such a great time, and to reconnect with exes and friends from junior high when we’re intoxicated? Like car keys, cellphones should be handed over to a designated texter at the start of a night out involving alcohol.

However, I can laugh this off. So what if I got drunk and fell out of the stupid tree, hitting every branch on the way down. I didn’t wake up with any new tattoos or piercings and my clothes were on. A little loss of dignity never killed anybody, but I’d still like to know where this welt on my arm came from…lol…

-Alan